Shortly after persuading his parents to let him return home, he made notes (and drew comic strips) detailing his plans to get a job, pay for airfare, and transfer to West Virginia University in his second semester.[1] Daniel expressed great relief and happiness over this, as detailed in an entire notebook or more.[2]
In The Devil and Daniel Johnston, Bill and Mabel characterized his symptoms as having been much more serious. They also noted that his time in Abilene was when the arm/leg pain first manifested. It was clear to them that things weren’t going to work out at ACU (and they were right) so they allowed him to come back home.[3]
Author’s Note: With new evidence I’ve unearthed, I have a hard time believing the above or below entry, with regard to the arm/leg pain, which seems to have begun in Houston. I’ll have to refresh my memory by re-watching the documentary, although even if Bill and Mabel did say this in the documentary, it doesn’t match up with Daniel’s accounts as expressed through 1983 tape letters to David.
Also in the documentary Bill and Mabel said they sent Daniel to a doctor while he was at ACU, and that the doctor maintained that the arm/leg pain could be a symptom of manic depression. This is unusual for the fact that the diagnosis was correct but the symptoms don’t align at all with the disease. Achiness presents as a characteristic of major depression but pain in the limbs and/or extremities of the sort Daniel suffered does not. The source of the arm/leg pain was more likely one of the three conditions that doctors considered or diagnosed in 1983, each of which made sense given his terrible diet: gout, fibrosis, and arthritis. I have no doubt that those pains were exacerbated by major depression but they were not caused by it.
However, he was exhibiting depression, mania, and mixed states during this period.[4] [5] [6] [7]
During his time in Abilene, Daniel wrote extensive letters to Ron, detailing his loneliness, feelings of alienation and disorientation, and a strong desire to return to WV. Ron estimated Daniel wrote him letters containing at least 10 pages per day during his time in Abilene, and that each of them expressed a tangible desperation. Ron was in college himself and his dorm-mate found the massive pile of letters in Ron’s closet and read them. The letters were intimate enough to make Ron’s dorm-mate think Ron and Daniel might have been involved romantically. Ron understood why his roommate would have thought that, though it was entirely untrue. Ron explained that, shortly after meeting Daniel, he came to think of Daniel as a “little brother” and that he was protective of him. [Later, David Thornberry and Randy Kemper would each describe their relationships with Daniel in exactly the same language, without knowledge of others saying the same.][8]
Daniel’s letters to Ron from this period would have been a great resource but, as he did on future occasions, when Daniel returned home he demanded to have the letters back and he said he destroyed them. When Ron spoke about this, he expressed regret for not making copies before he returned the letters to Daniel, because they were so expressive of his feelings at the time, and they were of personal value to him.[9]
The only song Daniel wrote while at ACU was the appropriate “Lazy,” with the lyrics “I quit college and I quit my job/I think I’ll quit life/Yeah, I’m gonna quit again/I think I’ll quit one last time,” which resolved with “I think I’m gonna quit being a quitter.”[10]
In late 1979, Daniel returned to his home in West Virginia. It’s unclear whether he flew there himself on an airplane, as drawn in a comic strip from that time or whether that was just a fantasy and his parents actually made the drive (or flight) to pick him up.
[1] p. 57, 99, NB79G
[2] Entirety of NB DP scans of goinghome.pdf
[3] I need to confirm this by re-watching the documentary—this is all so time-consuming and I don’t want to take 2 hours out to do it as I press through. Will do later.
[4] The two pages included at the bottom of this footnote depict early expressions of Daniel’s internal struggle between good and evil forces within him; the vast majority of the same notebook is of extreme value as it alternately depicts depression, mania, and mixed states. It also expresses alternating expressions of hope and hopelessness. Because Daniel had no mechanism—beyond church and the Bible—for traditional psychiatric treatment, he did the extraordinary thing of attempting to treat himself in this way. In this notebook, and especially in his 1979 high school journals, one can see great efforts to embrace hope, make himself happy, and defeat his demons and depression. This is consistent with the intention of the yellow bedsheet Brian Beattie would come to describe and, moreover, the songs he wrote, like “The Sun Shines Down on Me,” with the seeming purpose of cheering himself up when nobody else could do it. p. 19, 21, NB79G, entire notebook, NB79G.
[5] The first two pages are clearly copied from a textbook, but they are copied for a reason. And it was rare for Daniel to copy anything for/from class to this extent. The copied entry captures Daniel’s personality, and mood changes, up that point with an exacting nature. The drawing that follows is as poignant as it is simple: pp. 51-53, NB79G
[6] pp. 61-63, NB79G also offer a short and sweet but very apt depiction of the nature of Daniel’s internal struggle.
[7] p. 93-98, NB97G: Daniel attempts to cheer himself up with quotations from Proverbs and other Biblical references, including some accompanying drawings,
[8] Unrecorded Ron Harris interviews
[9] Unrecorded Ron Harris interviews
[10] Nov. 1, 1982 letter to Brett Hartenbach, p. 84, p. 101, NB80A, titled “History of My Songwriting,” which includes a number of great surprises.