During high school, Daniel expressed suicidal ideation in writing[1] and in very private conversations with Dave Lyons (the patriarch of the home where he often played piano, composed “Living Life,” and jammed with Dave’s young daughters). He told Dave Lyons that he thought about killing himself because he didn’t have any friends, he was made fun of a lot, and he didn’t know how to get along in the world.[2] In a high school notebook from 1979, in what reads like a suicide note, he writes on facing pages, in all caps: “I’m sorry” and “I’m going to kill myself.”[3] He would continue to express suicidal ideation for the rest of his life, in at least few other places.[4] I won’t try to cite the songs that express suicidality because there are too many to mention and they span his entire career. Even when performing covers of Beatles songs, he often made small rewrites that referenced suicide. And the lyrics that remained on the music stand of his piano after his death also expressed wishes for death and suicidal ideation.[5]
During his senior year, Daniel felt another major depression coming on and confessed his condition to Ron. (There is no evidence of him having talked about his depression to anyone before this.) Daniel was scared to tell him because he was scared Ron wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore—after all, that was the reaction he’d gotten in junior high school. Ron surprised him by being understanding. Daniel told Ron that he’d only made this confession because he wouldn’t have been able to hide the symptoms from his close friend and figured, “You were going to find out anyway.” In a journal entry for school, dated April 10, 1979, he noted that Ron had recognized a change for the better in his mental health. Daniel agreed.[6]
As per usual with his cycles, late 1979 notebooks are filled with evidence of manic thinking. He goes from minimal to maximal enthusiasm in what feels like the blink of an eye. Never in between and “never relaxed.” His journal entries, written for his English teacher Miss Palo, provide an extraordinary profile of the contrast.[7]
Around February 1979, he got the idea for his iconic “HOPE” painting.[8]
Daniel was cast in a school play, “The Prisoner of Second Avenue,” by Neil Simon, but he dropped out because he “couldn’t cuss.” He says this made him a “hero at church,” but he regretted that he had to drop out. He drew a flyer for the school production though and wrote in detail about how closely he identified with the main character, played by Jack Lemmon in the film version, who suffers a nervous breakdown and becomes alienated from friends and family.[9]
Daniel blew off band practices one too many times and was kicked out of band, near the end of his senior year. During a weekend band field trip to Clarksburg, Daniel stayed at Ron’s house so his parents wouldn’t discover he’d been kicked out and they never did.[10]
Daniel attended senior prom with a girl from church. Ron was surprised he was coming since Daniel typically avoided school dances. But since Daniel had told him he was coming Ron had reserved a table with seats for them and their dates but almost as soon as Daniel had made an appearance, he left.[11]
Daniel graduated Oak Glen High School.
[1] pp. 64-65, NB79C
[2] Dave Lyons interview
[3] pp. 64-65, NB79C
[4] 23:15-end of tape, CS0337_0 April 9 88 Jesus met the woman at the well Friday April …8 Jad Fair and co, throughout NBZ116, and in an Aug. 5, 2011 interview with The Guardian
[5] My own eyes and photos of each page I took with my phone, which I’m happy to delete if that makes you uncomfortable
[6] Unrecorded Ron Harris Interview, p. 43, NB79E
[7] pp. 25-68, NB79E
[8] pp. 66-67, NB79E
[9] pp. 25, 43, NB79E
[10] Ron Harris Video Interviews; p. 42, NB79E, April 1979 journal entry
[11] Unrecorded Ron Harris interviews